As part of our IVF travels we have experienced treatment in india. Now there is so much to say on this subject but I’ll start with some key facts.

1. Statistically the IVF results are better, mainly because they are allowed to do more than their western counterparts.
2. The doctors know their shit.
3. As is culturally the norm, a bribe will take you to the front of the large consultation queues.
4. Even if you can speak the lingo, don’t. The colonial master will be served better.
5. Doctors, consultants and nurses in India hold power. Fertility ones believe they are fucking gods and want to be treated the same.
6. Most of their clientele are illiterate and don’t have a clue so expect to be treated like cattle. Doctor knows best.
7. Take a guy with you as women are barely acknowledged.
8. Prior knowledge and treatment is always dismissed as a waste.
9. They will always push donor eggs as the stats are better and they make more money.
10. Try not to be put off by the Victorian facilities as they look decrepit, but are actually clean.
11. Don’t try if you are emotionally weak, ignore all your preconceptions and embrace india for what it is.
12. Did I mention cash is king?

I have so much admiration for my wife after what she has been through physically & emotionally. Not sure if I’ve told her that recently.

It starts with the odd ad-hoc get together. Exemption from kids birthday parties surely follows - it makes sense as the kids can play together you see? It’s not like the adults socialise is it? Then before you know it your friends become acquaintances, and then just contacts from a past era. Uncomfortably bland rendezvous follow at funerals and random social functions. “Yes, I’m doing fine thanks, and your little ‘uns growing up fast. No we don’t have any kids yet”. Like you didn’t notice or know from our time as friends that we had fertility issues”.

Cunt.

Thinking that telling their good baby news makes us feel better about our recurring bad news. Yes I’m genuinely happy for you, but my wife has only last week found out our own devastating results. The news of your 5th child is great, and really helps me get over the physical and emotional scars of last week. Your a true friend. What’s that - you’ve also won the lottery? Great, now my overdraft debt feels better. Total wank.

Everything I want to say seems to be a negative moan.

I’m in my mid 30’s, live in the UK and am of Indian descent. Probably not essential info but it might help you understand some of the posts ll add. Cultural nuances make all the difference in making illogical situations even more confusing.

Some Background

• 3 Countries we’ve seen consultants and had examinations - UK, USA & India
• 50+ Consultations/appointments
• 5 Operations
• 0 Fallopian tubes remaining
• 1 Ovary remaining
• 4 IVF attempts at 3 different hospitals
• 1 Frozen Cycle
• 2 ICSI attempts
• 3 different hospitals
• £20,000+ spent

Just writing the above has made me realize there’s so much to add.